‘Stay beautiful’ Alice
As much as I try to be aware of the NOW, I still find myself dwelling on hindsight, because I wasn’t authentic as I could of been. For instance, there is a girl I know, I will call her ‘Alice’, I like her as a good friend, and we share an awkward rapport, its like we like each others character, but the intensity of our vibration, body chemistry, emotional language, makes us both shy.
Anyways, on Monday, I told myself to more present in the moment. I went to karaoke, I sat with some friends. I sang Hootie and the Blowfish – Let her cry, and than I sat back down with my friends. ‘Alice’ soon appeared, she began talking with my friends. She than started a conversation with me, she doesn’t realize I’m hard of hearing, I said ‘I’m good’ and she smiled, knowing I’m not talking about the same subject. Anyways, she shook my friend’s hand, than she extended her hand to me, and I hugged her hand with both my hands, and than kissed her hand. It was natural; felt good to show love, breakdown alittle barrier we share. After that, we still saw each other, but we once again back into our shy modes.
To make a long story short, I saw ‘Alice’ again yesterday; karaoke at another bar. I sang Stir it up by Bob Marley, it was random, it befuddled some people, and yet some people enjoyed it. I left after I sang. Walking to the bus stop, I saw ‘Alice’ on a door step, kinda sadden. I said ‘Hi’ and she did too. She ask me how I was. I began talking about my business Emporium of I and I, developing a Free School, and living like its Heaven on Earth. I felt her go alittle queer. She began talking, I couldn’t hear her. I told I’m hard of hearing, and that is why I’m sometimes nervous inside bars, because I can’t communicate effectively. Anyway the conversation kinda got jerky at that point. The underlining neurosis started to show its head. She told me to take care of myself, I think I said I would, and told her to have a good night.
I like ‘Alice’; the situation doesn’t appear to be a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship, but I like her, her spirit is familiar. I wish I could have asked to sit with her, so we could communicate better, I feel in hindsight I squander my compassion for a human being, a especially friend, even if we are shy. Love is a self-less interest. Next time someone says to me ‘be safe Adam’, I will reply,”Stay Beautiful ‘my friend’.”